The Reason
by ForeverIndebted
Summary: One shot. This is yet another songfic that I thought matched Jacob perfectly. The song is "The Reason" by: Hoobastank. Enjoy and review!


The Reason

The Reason

_I'm not a perfect person,  
There's many things I wish I didn't do,_

I know that I was never really the best for her, but I was as close as she was going to get. I only wanted to help her forget him. There are so many things that I did to her that I deeply regret, but that doesn't mean that I can forget about them, or her, for that matter._  
_

_But I continue learning,  
I never meant to do those things to you,_

I have grown up a bit as time goes on. I will never forget Bella, of course, but I do learn slowly yet surely, how to control myself around her in case she ever wants to come back. As for the past, I regret every time I saw her pain, because I knew that I was part of the reason for it. I never meant to make her live in pain, and to see it actually happening only made it worse._  
_

_And so I have to say before I go,  
That I just want you to know,_

There is so much that I didn't get to say, and such strong words need to be heard by her. That just makes me pain, her pain, more unbearable, and I never want to see her hurt, again. But I just need her to know these things, otherwise I don't know if I can continue by life the way it was.

_I've found out a reason for me,  
To change who I used to be,  
A reason to start over new,  
And the reason is you,_

I guess my life has some worth to it, but whether that's a good thing or a bad thing is still undecided. I will do any amount of things for her, and I will change beyond reason as much as I possibly can if it would mean that she would come back to me. She is giving me a reason to be a person in this world, and I'm doing it all for her. Because of her. She is my fuel, my power, my adrenaline, that keeps me going each day.

_I'm sorry that I hurt you,  
It's something I must live with everyday,_

I will never forgive myself for making her choose in the beginning. It was wrong, mean, and selfish, and I should have known that, in the end, she would have chose…him…, anyway, because she would have never seen what a pressure I was towards her. Knowing that I made such a horrible mistake makes each day, each hour, each breath more and more worse every second._  
_

_And all the pain I put you through,  
I wish that I could take it all away,_

All in all, she didn't deserve any more pain than she already had to endure. I damn myself countless times every day, and I will never get over it. I wish that I could just start over and take away everything that she had on her shoulders when he was gone so that she might have chosen me, instead. But that's the problem; I can't._  
_

_And be the one who catches all your tears,  
That's why I need you to hear,_

I used to be her sun. I could have been if I hadn't let her go to find her leech, but it was what she wanted. I couldn't bear to see her horrified face and hear her tortured cries when they found her dead, so I let her go. Now look where that's gotten me. She needs to give me, her healing drug, from the beginning, a chance.

_I've found out a reason for me,  
To change who I used to be,  
A reason to start over new,  
And the reason is you,_

_And the reason is you,_

_And the reason is you,_

_And the reason is you,_

_I'm not a perfect person,  
I never meant to do those things to you,  
And so I have to say before I go,  
That I just want you to know,_

_I've found out a reason for me,  
To change who I used to be,  
A reason to start over new,  
and the reason is you,_

_I've found a reason to show,  
A side of me you didn't know,_

I can be nice. She has seen that side of me. But…that was before I…became…and found out…what I truly am. I still have the power still, of course, but that doesn't mean that doing it is easy. I can be nice. It's a part of me that she doesn't see as often as she used to, but I can still be that way towards her._  
_

_A reason for all that I do,  
And the reason is you…_

She never faded away from me, and she never will. A part of her is mine. I would have it any other way. She is the reason that I am here, because, inside, I am miserable. The reason that I will never fade away. And she is that one, powerful, unbreakable, endless feeling…


End file.
